And some thoughts....
These days I don't get the "How are you?" question, instead I get asked "How's the baby?" My typical answer is "getting so big" complete with a sad face. Boring but true. Well kind of true because my Turtle is only 2 1/2 and not really that big but, you know, it gives me something to say besides "she threw up her dinner last night" or "she got mad at me because I wouldn't let her have a cookie before dinner."
Last week I got the question from a former male co-worker and I gave my typical answer including sad face but it didn't end there. He told me his son is now in college but when the son was younger my co-worker used the phrase "you only go this way once" to remind himself to enjoy every moment and to not waste time being mad or by getting upset over little things. Then he told me to enjoy every moment because time goes fast when raising children and you don't want to miss anything. All I could think of the whole time he was talking was a post by my favorite blogger/writer/mother/warrior, Glennon. Her post Don't Carpe Diem is one of my favorites. Check it out at http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/.
I love she admits she cannot enjoy every moment. I agree, you just can't. As a parent there is no way to enjoy every moment. Maybe once the "raising" is over, parents forget that fact but it makes it tough on those of us with little ones and strong guilt impulses. I try to be the most honest I can be with couples considering adding children to their lives. It sucks. It really does. I love being a mom and I love my baby with the fierceness of a mama bear but it does suck. I haven't gotten to watch a show besides Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the last year. I feel like I haven't had a good night’s sleep since my second trimester.
My favorite part of Glennon's post is the idea of remembering and living in single moments, which she calls Kairos. When Turtle says "Bless you, mommy" instead of thank you or she runs over asking for hugs, those are the moments I want to live in and feel and remember. I know by next year I will forget the frustrations of this year but I will not forget her smile when I walk into daycare. This is one reason I am riding the train into work every day. Turtle LOVES the train and we have a great time as long as I remember her sippy cup and snacks. Years from now I won't remember having to carry all of her "stuff" but I will remember the way her face lit up at the site of the train coming around the corner or the way she leaned back against me like there was nowhere else in the world she'd rather be.
I feel one reason new parents struggle is because of this belief that parenting is a constant amazing experience. It is not! It is the occasional moments that make parenting worth the hard times.
Please, next time you are talking to a new parent, don't tell them to love every minute of their child's life because it only adds another layer of stress but, instead, tell them there will be moments along the way that make it worth the vomit filled laundry.
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